If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
