Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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