Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
