it glows. i had to have it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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