dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
