A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
