the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
