absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
