I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
