If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
