Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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