you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
