that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
