I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
