i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize