omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
