at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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