Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
