I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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