i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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