Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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