I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
