btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
