I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
found the other keg... it's in the tree
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
