turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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