I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize