I accidentally had phone sex last night
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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