sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
