The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
