just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
