Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
this is an emotional support booty call
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
