Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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