I could have mohawked her pubes.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
