final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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