good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
