reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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