The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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