So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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