i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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