so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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