A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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