not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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