i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
