I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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