So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
