WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
