This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
