Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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