I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
