I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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