He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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