I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
