I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
