I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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