He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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