I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
