my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
