Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
