I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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