Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
