PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
that is very illegal...i love you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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