i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
