I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
