Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
