I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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