the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
