just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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