I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
