im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
