Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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