You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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