theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
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