In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
