He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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