so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
