dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
