i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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