trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
