The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
