I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
