Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
