guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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